They Said My Disorders Are Incurable…Here’s how I Challenged That

It takes a great deal of strength to even ask for help. It takes even more strength to accept the “forever” that is placed on certain disorders. It can be so confusing when you feel tied to disorders that you never asked for in the first place. It can make you feel broken, out of place, and simply lost. But I have some great news for you… I’ve been working on steady development of my healing and can proudly say I’m reaching spaces I’ve never experienced before, fully sovereign.

I have a long history with therapy, medication, hospitals… I could go on. I’m so grateful I have a strong sense of self because I’ve experienced a TON of malpractice. I want to preface by saying I do support therapy and getting the help you need, what I don’t support is therapists and other practitioners who think that their degree overrides a patient’s personal, unique experience. I don’t support practitioners who pretend to be qualified in certain areas of trauma and end up traumatizing their patients even more. While I do believe in giving people grace, when you are a person of authority, especially in caring for mental health, there’s another level of precaution you have to consider before saying whatever you want. A personal example I have of this is the second therapist I had suggested I go fully raw vegan as treatment. There’s more to the story, and she seemed genuine about caring about me, but like…? I had an eating disorder and was also in high school. It had a significant impact on me and caused me to relapse in bad ways. I think to suggest I go fully raw vegan is bringing personal opinions into a situation that should’ve stayed neutral. Thankfully, I have a strong sense of self and advocated for a new therapist, but I always wonder how their other patients are doing. Especially when you’re developing, patients often look to their therapists as authoritative figures, despite how close the relationship is. When they give advice, it’s taken to heart. They are placed in a position that is supposed to help you, so malpractice happens more often than you’d think. Especially when you consider the different types of disorders practitioners treat.

I’m not saying all therapists are evil, but I am living proof that if you don’t have the strength or resources to find the right therapist/therapy, you can do it all yourself. Safely and peacefully. Another personal example I have is what changed my perspective on therapy forever. I was really close with a therapist I had in college. I had never been so close to one before, and I told her pretty much my whole life in detail. In one session, she reintegrated trauma in a weird way, and from then on, things were just awkward. We had one session after that, and she knew at the time that I was really afraid of people leaving my life and ended up ghosting me. I had been seeing her for a really long time. She didn’t email, call, or text. I thought we developed a closer relationship than that. She reintroduced deep rooted trauma and potentially violated her license, all to ghost me after. Which was my biggest fear at the time. She did this while I was dealing with my family trial. I had two therapists after her, and even though I stopped seeing them, they both told me that she was completely in the wrong. They tried looking her up, and she wasn’t in the system. She also left the office completely, so that’s why I went to the other 2 therapists. So please TAKE IT FROM ME that I know a thing or two about healing on your own. Because after all of this, I still found myself through the storm. It hurt a lot, but in a way, it made me so much stronger. You think I’m going to let this puny little cowardly beast ruin my healing journey??? HELL NAH

So… how do you heal on your own? The answer is: slowly and deeply. It’s not going to be easy. It’s the hardest thing I’m doing, and I feel it’s a lifelong journey. But the best part is I’m seeing more progress than I ever had with any therapist.

I started by making my life simple. I mastered the basics like communication, consistency, time management (still working on this one), and got comfortable with being uncomfy even on my bad days. It’s not that I’m trying to make myself suffer, but I’m accepting that life is going to happen no matter what, but by doing hard things in your daily life, you can be less reactive to your environment. I would go out of my way and dedicate time to educate myself on whatever I wanted to improve.

I started around mid January of this year, taking small steps to build new habits. Four months later, I feel like a new person. I always knew I could get my shit together but would always be held back by my family traumas and personal disorders. It was like I was being haunted by everything I couldn’t control, so I wouldn’t even bother to work on myself on a deep level because I was so consumed by the fear that was programmed into me. Every time I would accomplish something in life, something would go wrong in the trial. Or my family would do something hurtful to throw me off. Even my old friends chose to traumatize me as well, to throw me off my path. I’ve learned that if life’s going to happen no matter what… might as well go after what I want. Sure, I have “incurable disorders” but I also have depth and resilience and the creative ability to transform my pain into art to connect with other people.. I look at those parts of me now in acknowledgment, but not in consumption. I look deeper into my strengths and use my weaknesses as a guide for change. My mind is no longer an enemy. It’s a place to observe. And I use that to my advantage.

I may not be able to cure my disorders in a traditional sense, but I can change my reality and build trust with myself through new habits. You can take all the medication in the world, but if you’re disconnected from yourself, it’s only acting like a band aid for a deeper problem. And that’s coming from someone who takes Zoloft. The real healing doesn’t begin until you see yourself and accept the things you can and cannot change.

With Love Always <3

Marley Isley