Narcissistic Parental Abuse tactics
Bribes, blackmail, and power
Abusive parents will often use bribes as a way to control their victims. They will offer things they know the victim will appreciate, to gain their trust. My dad would offer freedom in different forms to me when he wanted control. He would give me my phone back, offer to let me see my boyfriend and friends, would let me outside, let me play video games. I would be stuck in my house with no form of communication to the outside world and he would offer freedom to get me to do what he wanted. They do this because they know you have no way out. They control your autonomy in every aspect. This messes with the psyche of developing minds. It puts the idea that freedom only comes FROM THEM. They try to make you believe that they CONTROL your freedom. THEY decide.
Disguising responsibilities as physical labor
One way the disguise abuse to frame the child as a “problem” is they will use chores and responsibilities as a cover for what’s actually happening. In my peronsonal experience, chores were a daily thing for me like most kids. What differentiated my abuse was those responsibilities were never passed down or shared to my siblings until they were well into their teens. Meaning I had been doing all of the physical labor of the household besides the laundry pretty much. But if I were to be punished I would have to do it extra. If it wasn’t done “up to standards” I would have to do it again or be punished even more. Additionally, I would have to do some type of “disgusting” labor. My mom would make me clean biohazards including her blood, feces, or giving them personal massages. I quickly learned that I would get in less trouble the more “disgusting” labor I did. The psychological aspect of this was of course using labor to keep control. But when parents have such high authority in a child’s life, narcissists enjoy seeing their victims suffer though things that compromise their health and or psyche. Consciously or not, my parents were wiring me to have to perform to get my basic needs met and if I didn’t I would be punished, even if that meant doing something that felt gross. This carried into my adulthood accepting jobs and relationships that were abusive in nature and harmed my health and safety. When abusers have a cover, like how my parents were using chores as one, it makes it easier for them to frame the child as being problematic. A child often has fears surrounding speaking up, and if they are already being framed as problematic, narcissists feel like they’ve won because the child has limited opportunity to be taken seriously by other adults.
Power
Abusive parents use power tactics from different organizations to further abuse. Sometimes the parents will take inspiration from cults, military, hate groups, etc and use torture tactics in their households. They often brag about this, or speak about these organizations with admiration or with a lot of knowledge almost like they have deeply studied their craft. The worst part is these tactics have been proven to work. But this is a lot less common. RAMCOA. FM. ETC.
Blackmail
They use anything you say or do against you. I even had a situation where my mom accused me of things I didn’t do all because I looked like one of my friends…They pick apart everything in your life to turn it against you, EVEN IF ITS NOT EVEN YOU!!! They keep tabs on every small detail about you so they can use it to their advantage when they want.
Triangulation
One or both of the abusive parents use triangulation to position the victim as the one causing harm. When in reality it’s the other way around. They will stop at nothing to get people to turn on the victim. Creating lies, forcing narratives, etc. They single out victims and make everyone in their life turn on them. They spread lies to both sides to create a false reality and make victims turn on each other so they don’t face the full consequences. If you have siblings they will often pin you agsainst each other. They will form lies against yoou so your siblings turn on you. Or they will make your siblings lives easier and put the abuse onto you so then resentment naturally occurs without them having to lie all the time because narcissistic people can only lie so much before their true colors are revealed. By creating this family dynamic it shows the siblings who conform what happens if you choose to speak out. It shows them that if they choose to stand on their own, they will be met with backlash. The abusive parents don’t want the others to follow the black sheep because they need people to depend on them. They will often be nicer towards the other siblings and give them praise for turning on the one who left. As long as the parents have servants to depend on them, they don’t feel any remorse towards completely abandoning their child who spoke out. They don’t want to break generational trauma. They want to continue living it because they have succumbed to their own evil.
This is my truth and I will continue speaking out against these atrocities.
Marley Isley